Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Fight For Fee

This afternoon I heard donnie bleating.

But donnie is always bleating.

Today the bleats were more sinister than normal donnie bleats.

He said that he was pretty close to closing a deal with the Saudis in which the United States would fight some kind of war with Iran and the Saudis would pay him – donnie – for it.

Allegorically I saw a few red flags.

One was that it would really be better if the Senate declared war, not donnie; there is something in the Constitution about that.

Two was that I had to wonder if the young men and women who have volunteered for military service knew at the time they volunteered that they were going to be fight-for-fee contractors hired out for engagements pretty much like a janitorial service.

Three was I wondered if the mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and – oh you get the trend here – were ok with their kids and siblings being thrown into a hopper of havoc just so a fucking moron can feel good about himself.

Four was – I decided that it was pointless to mention this – that the Saudis paying donnie probably violates the emoluments clause of the Constitution.

But we are in a post Constitution America.

Just ask Mitch.

Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Little Hands; Tiny Spirit

I was pretty sure I must be wrong.

Cokie Roberts died today and the only President that acknowledged the passing of a journalist at least as towering as Gwenn Eiffel was Barack.

He and Michelle early on in the morning recognized the passing of someone of consequence.

And she was.


I couldn't believe that even as venal an asshole as donnie would remain silent.

But he did.

As the day matured I kept wondering what inept acknowledgement of the passing might be forthcoming from donnie the Dildo.

It is now 1909 PDT.

I have watched the Newshour.

I have seen their tribute to Cokie.

They mentioned that the President - Barack and his wife - had said their piece.

I kept waiting to hear what donnie little hands might embarrass us all by saying.

The silence was deafening.

So I googled.

It turns out that, not only have Barack and Michelle said their piece, so also have George and Laura.

"How obviously appropriate" I said to the air surrounding my laptop.

And how appropriate that old bonespurs and the Croatian whore keep their mouths and tweets shut and silent.

Keep doing what you are good at donnie: lying.

Opening your lying mouth in acknowledgement of the passing of a great American would have been a travesty.

I never thought I would say you have done the right thing.

Monday, September 16, 2019

Iran Dilenda Est

It started one weekend in September.

Somebody somewhere fired something into ARAMCO and set a bunch of oil on fire.

There were claims to having done it, but the claimants weren’t useful to the narrative of donnie the Dildo and his cadre of lying sacks of shit.

So donnie started talking.

Which meant he started lying.

"Iran did it" he shrieked in his nasal New York snarl.

"We will check with the Kingdom, but we know Iran did it".

Lacking any evidence except donnie's lies, the world snickered.

"What a time for the walrus to be gone" thought many within the battlements.

"What a time for me" thought the werewolf known as Stephen.

And he walked into the darkness; and he conjured the donnie's being; and he transferred the launch codes to the Kingdom.

As luck would have it there was a Pakistani American in the inner circle.

When she got wind of the launch codes leaking from Stephen to the Kingdom, she also transferred the launch codes to Kim Jong Un.

"What the fuck does this mean" could be heard being shrieked from the tents of Ryiadh.

"Just what I always wanted" could be heard being purred from the halls of one of the palaces in Pyongyang.

"Whatever" came from on high.

Various people in various places have various stories.

But they all end in a flash of light and hysterical laughter.

The laughter gradually fades and a voice sounding a lot like Bill Kurtis says "welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me".

Friday, September 13, 2019

Just In From The White House

The donnie 2020 campaign slogan has been chosen.
Here is the leaked, updated campaign poster.
All billboards in America have been ordered to display this continually until election day 2020.

Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Another Thought For The Day

This just leaked out of the White House.
It's a prototype of a 2020 campaign poster.
It is thought to be of the sort that can spark appropriate enthusiasm at rallies.
donnie asked for a dramatic graphic: "kinda like a swastika" he requested.
The campaign slogan has yet to be determined, and is therefore missing from the prototype.
"The Klan Is Back" is a current front runner.

A Thought For The Day

Tuesday, September 10, 2019


“History is bunk” was a statement that has been attributed to Henry Ford.

Keep that statement in mind.

Bret the Beer Drinker (AKA Bret the Rapist) and Super Skier are among the Supreme Court justices who speak reverently of their “originalist” view of the U.S. Constitution.

Originalism means that the Constitution is interpreted from the viewpoint, and only the viewpoint, of what the framers knew in 1787 and therefore what they obviously mean by the various terms and conditions of the U.S. founding document.

Take the Second Amendment for example: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed”.

The crux of that statement is the word “Arms”.

So what originalist meaning did that have, one might ask.

Examining the weapons of the most recent war to the framers’ document – that war being the American Revolution – might be the best way to answer that question.

The arms were the bayonet, various muskets and a type of long rifle (called a rifle because it was “rifled”; it had spiral grooves in the barrel that made the ball fly farther and more accurately that smooth bore “muskets”).

Since I have never heard white supremacists defending the right to keep and bear bayonets, I am going to assume that the originalist scrutiny that has given us the current sad state of affairs with guns in America has been focused upon the weapons of 1787 that were firearms –“Arms”.

The weapons that existed in 1787 were muzzle loaders – to prepare a muzzle loader for firing, one rammed a patch into the barrel with a ramrod, poured black powder into the barrel from a funnel-like powder horn, rammed a second patch on top of the powder and then rolled a ball in on top of the charge; then some powder was poured into a little pan located beneath the barrel where the charge resided; there was an access channel – a hole – so the flash from the pan could travel to the charge and ignite the charge and send the bullet on its way.

When a target was in sight the charge was detonated by tripping a trigger that flicked a lever that induced a spark from a piece of flint that was mounted in the lever (some say that the Zippo lighter stole this technology, but eliminated several steps) then the spark flashed the powder in the pan which traveled up the channel to the charge; the charge exploded and the ball flew more or less toward the target (more than less in the case of the rifles).

If the target had been a squirrel, the need to re-load was only driven by the possibility that there might have been two squirrels, and a second shot might have been able to double the size of the evening’s stew; slow – but quiet – reloading probably wouldn’t have adversely affected the success of the second shot (or the life of the shooter); if, on the other hand, the target had been a red coated Hessian charging with his own musket with bayonet brandishing, and if there were lots of them so charging with muskets and bayonets brandishing, and if the ball had missed the first one - or only damaged him - the act of reloading must have become rather dicey.

So, from an “Originalist” point of view, it would seem that the “Arms” mentioned in the Second Amendment should be considered to be pretty much single shot weapons.

Multi-shot, rifled barrel pistols didn’t even appear as Colt prototypes until the 1840’s.

That’s fifty years or so after the Second Amendment was written.

Multi-shot rifled barrel long guns first appeared in volume with the 1894 Browning designed Winchester Model 94.

That’s one hundred and seven years later.

The M16 began to take shape in the 1950’s.

Until a light low recoil weapon like the M16 was invented, high capacity removable magazines made no sense.  The 30 caliber M14 was basically unusable with a magazine: it had too much recoil to shoot that many bullets.

All that points to a fact ignored by the originalists.

There were no Colt Six Shooters or Winchester Model 94’s, AR-15’s or high capacity magazines in 1787.

Originalism is bunk.