Do you have any advice for making a house feel more like a home?

 I have recently been enrolled in Storyworth by a family member.

Apparently the underlying purpose of Storyworth is to offset the stark terror of living in donnieLand with the grinding boredom of vapid suggestions for stories.

Since the enrollment was a gift, and a gift with the best of intentions, I am dutifully writing my stories.

And, I am having fun; none of my stories answer any vapid questions.

Please refer to the title of this post before reading it to see where I'm going.

My answer to Question Three

I once had a friend who was something of a philosophe.

One of his deepest insights was this observation: “It takes a heap of homing to make a pigeon toed”.

I have always tried to live by those words.

I fear I have failed on many occasions.

One of those occasions was the day the Big Bad Wolf showed up at my door.

“I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house down, he said in his high-pitched whiny wolf voice.

Of course I just laughed.

I had had a couple of Bloody Marys for breakfast and was feeling pretty forgiving toward all people and things.

And I mistook the wolf for the neighbor’s dog.

So, in an extremely jovial tone I said, “Hey go get your pal Porky Pig and let’s have some barbecue”.

As luck would have it, I had been making a third Bloody Mary when the wolf showed up and I had a bottle of tabasco - one of my secret Bloody Mary ingredients - in my hand; I was shaking it as I opened the door, stopped as he announced his intention, and re-started shaking after inviting him to barbecue.

I had forgotten to replace the cap.

Tabasco shot into the wolf’s nose.

The wolf snorted, gagged, coughed, farted and let out a high-pitched wail and said, “I don’t get no respect nowhere”.

His uproarious sneeze blew my house down.

So, my advice for making a house feel more like a home is don’t shake an open tabasco bottle when the wolf is at the door.