Sunday, January 12, 2014

Fifty Seven

I got an email from a guy who had read “Bullies …”

Specifically, he referenced the words


“Annie died.”

At that instant something happened to me.

Something either entered me, or something left me.

In either case I never knew what it was, but I forever after felt its iron influence. It was a sense of aloneness; it was a sense of self-preservation; it was a sense on uniqueness; it was a sense of anger; it was a sense of fear.

I never lived without it after the moment I heard the words, “Annie died.”


He had had a similar experience with death.  He said he had had a similar reaction to that which I had documented.

He said he hadn’t known he had had that reaction until thirty years had passed.  He was curious what my experience had been.

Here is what I wrote him back.

“Those words are an excerpt from Screen Saver, a memoir I self published in 2009.  Writing that book was interesting.  In most cases it wrote itself. 

Most of the time, when I sat at the keyboard, something took over my fingers and words appeared from somewhere; that somewhere was not my conscious mind nor were those words driven by any preconceived story plan.  They just appeared – from somewhere. 

Annie died in 1950.  I had no idea of what effect that had had on me until 2007 when those words appeared in a Word document that ultimately became Screen Saver.

But they explained a lot of things I had never known until I finally saw them.”

1 comment:

  1. I had a similar experience years ago but in a much more trivial situation. In drafting some gags for an office party stand up routine, I noticed that the ideas just seemed to come from nowhere. Nothing earth shaking, mind you. Just that I seemed to write what came to my mind from somewhere else. It's the only time it ever happened to me.