Across America the Christian League of Evangelical Megachurches has set aside Sunday November First as a day of massive, streamed crucifixions of unbelievers.
Pete Hegseth will officiate from Jesus Central in Amarillo Texas.
Kash Patel is in charge of the mix of hundreds of thousands of iPhone videos from all CruxLocs (crucifixion locations).
Elon Musk will provide software.
It will be the first time that "millions of believers in The Donald and Jesus will have their way with the devil spawn" said Brumpet Clandestine, leader of the event. "Zero defects is our objective; we will cleanse, cleanse cleanse; and when we are finished there will be a new dawn sans Satan".
The nails to be used in the millions of crucifixions have been produced by the new Mesabi Steel Mill in Brumpet Iowa, a 15 billion dollar enterprise announced only recently by the Great Leader. They are specially designed with barbs to assure that "once nailed, they stay nailed".
Some are curious how a facility just announced is going to do that.
But, as Brumpet points out, god has his ways.
A bonfire dance is scheduled as a "Jesus Loves You" post function at which each megachurch will ignite huge piles of the recently crucified into bonfires as the "final purge of the dark lord of hate and damnation".
Selective breeding events will begin post the post.
It is thought that the cost of gasoline will make starting the bonfires prohibitive.
Mother Magpie Frumpster, recent candidate for governor, and still and currently the Queen of Christ of Memphis has started a Kickstarter to allay that financial constraint to god's - or is it Jesus'? - will.
Oh well, who knows which is which?
And who cares?
As long as they love donnie.
As he loves them.
The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
The Great Triune Thing.
donnie loves the kind of shit.
He went to seminary, you know.
Brilliant bidnessman.
The event will be kicked off by a five-hour speech about "2020 was stolen from the dear leader" to be delivered by Kimberly Guilfoyle.
Wouldn't be the least bit surprised if this were actually being planned...
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