Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Smoke And Mirrors Part One: Coda

I have no idea what I am talking about.

But since most of what I am talking about has something to do with donnie the idiot, I feel ok about having no idea what I am talking about; donnie is the archetype of someone who has no idea what he is talking about.

So my post about donnie, the farmers and Walmart – yesterday – inevitably had inaccuracies.

I said that donnie was going to use his 25% Walmart tax to buy all the animals that American farmers can’t sell to China anymore and convert the Senate into a slaughter house/meat packing plant to process those animals and send the chops,steaks and wings etc. on to the American grocery distribution system.

After consulting with Stephen Colbert, my expert on all things donnie, I discovered that the plan really is to send the stuff to less wealthy (I think the term was shithole) countries so that the poor of the world can eat well on food provided by donnie’s 25% Walmart surcharge.

At least that was the apparent plan in donnie’s most recent tweet.

Keep tuned to @donnietheidiot for real time updates.

I guess “The Base” has had a change of heart about foreign aid.

It can be said with certainty that they must have had a change of heart about how to pay for it.

Since “The Base” comprises the vast majority of the “Walmart Shopper Mudsill” (a Walmart confidential marketing term) they, by definition, will be the vast majority of that funding source.

I assume (I’ll verify this with Stephen and get back to you) that this plan assumes that whole live animals will be sent to the shitholes and that they will be responsible for producing chicken feet, pig snouts and the occasional pork chop (since the shitholes are primarily muslim there will need to be some cosmetic reprocessing to be able to pass off all that pork as halal, but that is a story yet to be told).

donnie says there will be a lot of “great American” jobs aboard the ships carrying all those cows, pigs and chickens: each cow needs a shit sweeper, one for every dozen chickens and two for each pig; the inside-the White House code name is “shit jobs for shitheads for shitholes”.

donnie is even thinking about rebranding himself as the “shithead in chief”.

What is sad, however, is that the proposed deployment of the Senate as a slaughter house will go by the boards.

That proposition had two endearing characteristics: it gave them something to do, and it was a great fit for the skill set of the majority of the Senators.

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