Ka Klunk Ka Klunk Ka Klunk

 When I was much younger, when I was, really in some other life, and existed as some other life form, the beings I had been dealt as what was called then parents had moved monumentally forward and had enhanced my life - or so I then believed - immeasurably.

They had bought a Kaye-Halbert TV set.

Portland had gotten its first TV station - KPTV, I think it was called - in, I think this is right, 1952.

That event spawned a local star: Tarantula Ghoul.

By the time the Kaye-Halbert had showed up at 1407 NE 17th, I think Portland had, in addition to KPTV, the three networks.

Maybe KPTV had become a network station by then; I just don't remember.

But it turns out, that this is a hardware story, not an affiliate story.

The Kaye-Halbert set had a remote control.

It was remote in the sense that it could be invoked from some distance, and change channels. that distance being defined by the length of the flat piece of plastic with two copper wires imbedded and two "C" shaped connectors that spanned the distance from the TV to, I guess was the assumption, the couch. 

All one needed to do was to connect the connectors to their home port screws on the TV.

I have no idea what sort of market research must have underpinned the length of that flat piece of plastic, but, in my parents' case, it was long enough.

It reached the couch.

The control itself was massive by today's standards: it was a thing about the size of a box of wooden matches.

But it worked.

Ka Klunk Ka Klunk Ka Klunk, it said as you moved from channel to channel,

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As I am writing this, I am rather happy that, for a fraction of the cost that I used to pay to Comcast for several hundred channels of stuff that I never watched, I am now paying a few content providers a few dollars a month for some of the best content in human history: Ted Lasso, Emily in Paris, Reading the News, Finch, and Don't Look Up.

Just to pick a few.

What would convert that happiness to sublimity, though, is if I could get "ka klunk ka klunk" back.

Can somebody out there give us an app that ka klunks across platforms?